There was a time when masks were just for Halloween or for the COVID pandemic. Now, though, they’re our everyday outfit. By “masks,” I don’t mean the fabric ones, but those invisible ones we wear to survive the social jungle.
The mask of the “experienced professional“ who has the answer before even hearing the question. The mask of the “perfect parent“ who hasn’t slept in three days. The mask of the friend who’s there for you, but secretly wonders what they’re even doing there.
And of course, the mask of the “intellectual“ who reads comments, not books. The mask of the “Effective“ person who does 100 things at once, and none of them right. The mask of the “unfortunate one,” who ends up controlling those around them by gaining the power of weakness. The mask of the “stoic“ who never shows that anything affects them, because they believe that feeling is a weakness. The mask of “positive energy,“ which turns every difficulty into a fake opportunity for a smile, because it’s afraid to face the truth. The mask of the “invisible“ person who never speaks, because they’re afraid their voice will bother others or expose their needs. The mask of the “influencer“ who posts the perfect life but cries in the shower.
Perhaps the most glamorous of all is the mask that looks flawless but, from within, hides a person who’s afraid to exist without it.
And the funniest part? We all pretend not to see the masks of others, because we’re afraid they’ll ask us to take off our own.
From Theatrical Persona to the Masks of Everyday Life
The use of masks, as we know, dates back to ancient Greece, where the “prosopon” was a central element of theater. It allowed the actor to change roles and express emotions to the audience while hiding their true face.
It seems that ancient theater never closed; it just changed its stage. It moved from the ancient stage to offices, homes, and social media. The masks are no longer made of wood and paper, but of fear, anxiety, and the need for validation. And just as in tragedy, now too, the mask doesn’t just hide, it automatically imposes its role.
The False Self: An Invention of Survival
Beyond a simple list of masks, the big question remains: why do we wear them? What is the reason we feel this need to hide our true selves?
According to well-known psychologists, the need for masks starts in childhood. When a child grows up in an environment where they don’t feel fully accepted, they learn to adapt to gain the love and attention they lack. They develop, in other words, a “false self.”
Imagine a small child who sees that their parents are happy only when they are quiet and obedient. Automatically, this child puts on the mask of the “good child” to gain acceptance. Another child, to avoid criticism, wears the mask of the “top student” who always gets the best grades. Still another, to avoid rejection, wears the mask of the “clown” who always jokes, even when they’re hurting. Also, they might wear the mask of the “indifferent one” who pretends not to care about anything to protect themselves from disappointment. The mask of the “helper” who takes care of everyone to feel like they have value. The mask of the “strong one” who never cries, because they learned that crying and vulnerability aren’t acceptable. The mask of the “invisible” person who never speaks to avoid bothering anyone with their presence or their needs.
Yes, you’ve worn them too, as have I, as have all of us. And the funniest part is that we make them ourselves, with sweat, effort, and a lot of doubt.
To be honest, I’ve worn all these masks. I felt I had to be the “good child” to gain acceptance, the “top student” to avoid criticism, the “clown” to not be rejected. I became the “indifferent one” who didn’t care about anything so it wouldn’t show that I cared and wouldn’t get hurt. I was transformed into a “helper” who took care of everyone to win the love and acceptance of others. I was the “strong one” who never cried because I learned that crying and vulnerability aren’t acceptable, and the “invisible” person who never spoke to avoid bothering anyone with my existence. An endless dance of personas with a common goal: survival and acceptance.
Scholars argue that this mask isn’t a conscious choice. It’s a defense mechanism, a “weapon” our body creates to protect itself from the pain of rejection. However, the price is high: we lose touch with who we truly are.
And Those Who Never Wore a Mask?
There are, however, lucky people who grew up in an environment where their authenticity was simply accepted. They didn’t have to wear a mask, because their truth was never a threat.
These people are often those who live with a sense of inner freedom. They are comfortable with themselves, accept their flaws, and don’t constantly seek validation. They aren’t afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I made a mistake” and are not ashamed of their feelings. Their authenticity isn’t something they have to earn, but something they simply are.
The Freedom of Authenticity: A Difficult Path
And this is where the real battle begins, the part that most self-help books simply skip over: the return to authenticity. For experts, this return is the only path to inner freedom, but it is a painful process. It’s like trying to remove a tattoo that your teenage self gave you.
This process requires you to admit that this mask you wore to survive is now an old, outdated accessory. That mask once protected you, but now it prevents you from living. It’s like driving a car with the handbrake on for years. The attachment to this mask is so great that, eventually, the truth finds a way to surface. Our body starts screaming with symptoms what our soul is afraid to say with words.
Recognition and Liberation
So, the first step is to recognize that the mask we wear has now become the ghost of our lives, a past version of ourselves that follows us. Just name it and start the effort to remove it from your live.
The Return to Authenticity: The Comedy of the Real Self
So after we’ve explored all these psychological paths, you might be wondering, “Now what? How do I take off this mask without being afraid of the consequences?” This is where the most fun part begins. Life without a mask isn’t a serious, philosophical state. It’s a daily comedy, where you’re the main protagonist.
This means that the perfect parent can now admit, without shame, that there are days they want to hide under the table. Also, that the friend who always listens can say, “Today I can’t listen to you, my head is a mess.”
Thus, the experienced professional can now answer, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out,” without their palms sweating. And that the person who’s always talking about CrossFit and superfoods can admit that their favorite sport is Netflix and chill.
Furthermore, the person with “positive energy” can now admit that they also have their dark days. The influencer can upload a story without a filter because influence isn’t about showing the perfect life, but about having the courage to show your true one.
And the “stoic” who passes for “cool” can now admit that their apathy isn’t strength but a fence they built to hide their fear. They can take off the mask of indifference and allow themselves to smile from the heart, to cry when it hurts, to feel, instead of pretending that nothing affects them.
The End of the Game: The Truth Behind the Mask
And now, the mask falls. Not with a dramatic “bang” in front of an audience, but with a quiet “click” inside you. You’re left alone with yourself and you look into a mirror that never had filters. You see the face that was hiding under all those poses and expectations. And then, the big question comes: What would happen if tomorrow morning you woke up and were simply You? Would you stay in the same job? Would you have the same friends? The same relationship? And who would be more scared? The others, who would see for the first time who you really are, or you, who would finally see how many couldn’t stand your truth? Because the truth is that the mask didn’t just protect you—it protected them too. From responsibility, from choices, and from your own true self.
Three Questions for You:
If this article made you think, take a moment and answer yourself:
Which mask do you wear most often in your daily life?
What’s the biggest thing you’re afraid to reveal about yourself?
If you were to take off your mask, who’s the first person you would want to face?
Cognitive Compass 