Rudeness is the invisible cost of modern life. It isn’t just a mistake. Instead, it is a systematic violation of our boundaries. This violation accumulates. It also weighs us down. Ultimately, rudeness functions as a sad, daily extortion. It forces you to swallow your anger. You must do this just to maintain your composure.

We are all the heroes of self-restraint. We are pushed to the brink of explosion. This happens only to keep our mental balance. But why does this happen? What social mechanisms legitimize this behavior? What immense social cost do we all pay?

The Daily Battle: Stealing Our Peace

Rudeness isn’t grandiose. In fact, it involves small acts of contempt. These acts make us feel invisible, underestimated, and ridiculous.

The Extortion of Boundaries: A Personal Toll

• The Café Incident: I recently saw a customer berate a barista over an extra ten cents. The customer, with the “cardinal’s attitude,” demanded an apology. The young barista stood there, silent and shrinking. Consequently, the rude person felt powerful, the rest of us felt sick. That is the true cost.
• The Wall of Bureaucracy: An employee speaks to you with unacceptable irony or indifference. They are hidden behind a bureaucratic position. This isn’t just rudeness. Crucially, it demonstrates power over your time. It demonstrates power over your dignity.
• The Privilege of the “Ego”: This is the person who decides their occupied space is more important than yours. In short, they remind us, in the crudest way, that their “ego” outweighs the “us.”

The Origin of the “Complex”: The Delusion of Superiority

When did this “complex” of entitlement begin? Well, it started when society adopted the principle: “If you don’t shout, you won’t be heard.” Essentially, this is where the problem lies.

The Immaturity Factor & The Research

• The Toll of Incivility: Research shows that experiencing even minor incivility reduces cognitive performance by nearly 60%. Clearly, ignoring rudeness doesn’t make it harmless, it fundamentally damages our ability to function.
• The Cult of the Self: The problem stems from the excessive worship of the “ego”. A shift in values initiated this worship. Specifically, this shift trains the rude person to believe their needs supersede everyone else’s. Therefore, this “complex” is the delusion that toughness is the path to success.
• Is It an Emotional Disability? I think, it is. A person can’t regulate their inner world. This includes anger, fear, and insecurity. Thus, they choose to export it as poison. They target those around them. This shows emotional immaturity.

The Social Outcome: The Corrosion of Trust

The social cost of rudeness is enormous. Moreover, it is far deeper than simple annoyance.

The Erosion of Trust

• The Collapse of Social Trust: Every rude act strikes a blow to social trust. Ultimately, this leads to social isolation.
• The Cultivation of Defense: Rudeness forces us to adopt a “culture of defense.” Specifically, this pushes us to become suspicious. We also become tougher ourselves.
• The Legalization of Harm: When rudeness becomes daily, it stops shocking us. In addition, our collective indifference legitimizes harm.

Taking Control: Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries

We must stop being passive receivers of anger. Instead, we must decide how we will react. Here are three practical ways to set a boundary when faced with incivility:

• 1. Name the Behavior, Not the Person: Avoid “You are rude.” Say, “I see you are frustrated, but I can’t continue this conversation while you are yelling.“ This sets a condition for continued interaction.
• 2. Use the “A-B-C” Disengagement Rule: Stand for Assertion, Boundary, Conclusion. Example: “I need you to lower your voice (A). I will step away for two minutes if you cannot do that (B). I’ll talk to you then (C).”
• 3. The Emotional Barrier: Recognize that their emotional state belongs to them. Crucially, do not take responsibility for their anger. Their rage is their weakness, not your fault.

Conclusion: The Declaration of Our Boundaries

Rudeness pushes us to the edge. However, the answer to this poison isn’t advice, it’s a decision.

First, let’s understand this truth. Rudeness is simply the failed attempt of a weak person to impose their pain. In other words, it’s the cry of someone incapable of managing themselves.

Secondly, this is our final declaration: We refuse to accept the anger and insecurity of others as our burden. Remember: Respect is not a privilege, it’s the fundamental rule of coexistence. Finally, we no longer allow anyone to treat us as an object of emotional release. Our silence must be ended.

A Note on Power vs. Weakness

Of course, some may argue that rudeness is a calculated display of power, a cynical choice made by the strong to assert dominance. Perhaps it is. But whether the aggressor’s motive is a deep psychological wound or a conscious strategic choice, the effect on us is the same. Therefore, we choose to treat the behavior, the violation of boundaries as the only factor that matters, regardless of the source.