Welcome to the exclusive analysis of Shame, the singular emotion invented specifically to prevent us from doing anything remotely fun or authentic. Shame is the Invisible HR Manager of your brain. Ιt stands over your shoulder, never produces anything of value, but makes certain to remind you that you, intrinsically, are the problem.

Initial Software Installation (The Family Edition)

When you are born, you are a perfect, brand-new model. Shame is the “Bloatware” installed by the first people you meet.

• The Programming Code: The Professional Mandate. “I love you, but…” That “but” is the secret. Love is conditional. “I will love you if you are flawless, if you don’t cry, if you eat all the vegetables, if you become a Lawyer, a Doctor, a Civil Servant.” I will love you if you fulfil the dreams I never lived. Or, even sweeter, you must become exactly what they became, because that, in their opinion, guarantees success. The purpose? To oppress you “for your own good,” completely disregarding what you actually want to do. And you, to save yourself, learn that you are obligated to hide and never reveal who you really are, because your role is merely their professional Avatar.
• The Error Protocol: Did you make a mistake? Did you spill the milk? It’s not just an accident. It’s proof of your inherent incompetence. Parents don’t feel guilt (I made a mistake in parenting) but they feel shame (What will the godmother say?). And that feeling returns to you like a boomerang branded with the message: “You are indeed the reason they are ashamed.”

Society: The Perfection of Anxiety (School & Bullying)

After the family, society takes over to put you in your place, and school is the ideal battleground to discover your intrinsic “flaws.”

• Social Media (The Museum of Shame): Every scroll is a reminder that everyone else is: thinner, richer, in more exotic locations, and eating more “photogenic” food. You, on your couch in your pajamas. Your shame whispers: “How dare you breathe, when that person has such a toned physique?”
• Bullying (The Public Disgrace): At school, Shame wears a judge’s robe and focuses on your “natural beauty.” Bullying for your ears, your acne, your body, or anything that makes you different. The message is always the same: “Being yourself is wrong.”
• The Satchel Scenario (Class and Pockets): And of course, there is the “beautiful” class consciousness. Are you the student with the wealthy father? Your teachers grant you Excellence in spirit and ethics (especially if Dad makes a donation or is well-connected). Are you the student of the poor father? Good luck my friend. The teacher will remind you, even subconsciously, that your value depends on the thickness of the wallet and not your intelligence. Shame strikes you twice: you’re ashamed of your home, and you’re ashamed at school.

Religion: The Best Management System, With the Threat of Eternal Fire. (My favourite).

We arrive at the chapter explaining why shame is the favourite invention of humankind.

The Patent of the Internal Controller. This is the cheapest way to install a permanent, invisible judge inside the head of every citizen, 24/7.

The Introduction of “Sin” (Excellent Marketing): Sin is not just a wrong action. It is a permanent state of existence. We are, by definition, problematic. That is, God made us (and did a fine job), but our essence is a constant source of shame.

The Shame of Desire: The most powerful religious shames concern what is natural: carnal desires, the body, questioning authority. “Do you want something? It’s a sin. Are you thinking something? We are there, in the depths of your mind!” This is the ultimate surveillance state. You don’t even need police when everyone has an invisible critic integrated into their DNA.

The Titillating Vision of Hell: And if you are not convinced by shame alone, there is always Plan B: Fear. It is not enough to feel bad now. You must feel bad for ETERNITY. Imagine: boiling cauldrons, demons dancing around you with their pitchforks (because what is eternal punishment without choreography?), and fire that never goes out. All this because… you had a wrong thought for 0.5 seconds. The perfect balance between terror and absurdity.

Shame as a Shield: Why Nobody Does Anything

And so, Shame becomes the best excuse for non-action.

Do you want to start a new project? Speak to the person you like? Shame screams: “STOP!” Why? Because failure will confirm the permanent message: “You are a problem. You have a big nose, you have a hump, you are going bald, you have a belly. Stay hidden.”

You procrastinate. Not because you are lazy, but because the project must be PERFECT. And because perfection is impossible, you never start. Shame wins. You stayed safe, but you remained stagnant.

The Antidote (The Only Thing Shame Fears)

The only thing that kills shame is exposure and laughter.

When you say: “Yes, I made a huge mistake at work, and yes, I am human,” or “Yes, I am afraid of failure, and I am saying it out loud,” shame loses its power.

Brené Brown says: “Empathy is the antidote to shame.” I would say: “Vulnerability is the antidote.” Find a friend, tell them your most embarrassing secret, laugh together, and watch Shame shrivel like an old balloon.

Stop believing that being human ( imperfect, funny, and full of awkward moments) is a reason for shame. Stop being afraid of what you already are.