Every day, I hear the same refrain, a lament that echoes through relationships, families, and careers: “They don’t respect me.” However, if we stop focusing on the anger of the complainant and instead turn our gaze toward the person desperately demanding respect, we uncover something far more fragile and dark.

The Genealogy of Fear: Where do the roots lie?

If we examine the roots of “respect” through an anthropological lens, we see that it did not originate as a virtue. Instead, it functioned as a survival mechanism. In primitive structures, respect acted as the code that prevented conflict. Specifically, you respected the tribal chief or the elder not necessarily for their wisdom, but because disobedience meant death or exile. Therefore, it was a “non-aggression pact” rooted in fear.

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Over the centuries, this primal need for hierarchy mutated. Consequently, the “club” became a title of nobility, wealth, or an academic degree. Nevertheless, the psychological root remains the same: an attempt to impose order upon chaos. Today, when someone demands respect without inspiring it, they actually tap into this primordial instinct. Such individuals attempt to revive an era where their position shielded them from scrutiny. This represents the defense of the “old world” against the freedom of thought that dares to challenge empty content.

The Tyranny of the Title as an Existential Bulwark

Why does a CEO, a lawyer, or a wealthy individual demand respect as a prerequisite? If we look deeper, a title serves as a defense against existential insignificance. The person who identifies entirely with their “chair” shudders at the thought of being left naked without it. Consequently, they demand respect not for who they are, but for what they possess. This happens because, deep down, they fear that they are an absolute void without the title.

Furthermore, those who bow to such titles are not merely polite, they are victims of an internalized hierarchy that equates power with worth. While a title provides prestige, it can never fix an ugly soul.

Disrespect as a Shield: The Fear of the Other

In personal relationships, where the daily grievance is a lack of respect, the truth is much rawer: disrespect is the inability to relate to anything that isn’t a projection of oneself. It is absolute insecurity disguised as arrogance. When someone refuses to listen to you, they are essentially confessing their own weakness, they have to silence or invalidate you just to feel safe. Real respect is the acceptance of the other’s existence as something completely separate. If your voice threatens their fragile balance, then their lack of respect is not a display of power, but a desperate defense mechanism.

The Fear of Age and Hidden Competition

When we hear the classic “Respect my years,” we rarely hear wisdom. Usually, we hear the terror of decline. The elder who demands blind respect from the youth often experiences a painful hidden competition. They see in the young person their own lost vitality and the relentless ticking of time.

To cope with this, they use “respect” as a muzzle and “tradition” as a shield. If the youth speaks or creates something better, the elder must confront their own mortality. Thus, the “ugliness” they project is not strength. Rather, it is a desperate defense against the possibility of being rendered obsolete.

My Truth: Respect as an Act of Admiration

To me, true respect is neither a power transaction nor a social contract. On the contrary, it is an authentic encounter between two human beings.

Respect means Admiration. It is the ability to keep your eyes open to recognize the “Becoming” of the other. It is acknowledging the different, the sharper, and the more creative, not as a threat, but as an inspiration. I respect the person who transcends my own limits and shows me a new path.

Furthermore, I believe that silence in the face of ugliness is not respect, it is complicity.

• I owe no respect to power that people use to cover internal nakedness.
• I refuse to respect gray hair when people use it as an alibi for malice.
• I will not stay silent when “experience” stifles the truth.

Respect imposed through fear or age remains an illusion. The only respect worth offering is that which is born freely, when we recognize the value of the other without the shadow of envy. Ultimately, everything else is merely the masks we wear to avoid facing our true selves in the mirror.